Welcome to Americanomics


The Bad blogs imitate. The Great blogs steal.

As with all great writers we offer up our work, ourselves, and try to captivate an audience, but in the grand scheme of things, the world is often unkind to new creations, new talent, and/or new ideas. Not everyone can become a great writer, but a great writer could come from anywhere.

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Whoa, Momma! To Trim or NOT to Trim.


About: Get out the scissors, waxing products, and/or Dad's shaver. Shaving below the waist comes down to personal taste or partner(s) preference.

Statistic: 76% of men polled between the ages of 20-30 have refused to go down on their partner not due to oder, but fear they might lose their sense of direction and restort to using the stars and constellations to guide them back to safety.

Personally, I like to keep it trimmed. Its next to godliness, shows good hygiene, and besides it makes Big Ben look even more gigantic. And since we're all competing against them brothers, that ain't a bad thing.

In terms of our counterpart, women, thank you Brazil for your honest contribution of the hairless fad. Going bare, I'm pro-choice, but too much hair on your chocha. Shave it off.

Designs. Now that shows effort like trimming in a landing strip, arrow, or the Last Supper painted by Leonardo da Vinci.

In an article by ABC 7 News: 'Brazilian Waxing,' Laser Removal could have its consquences!

What are your thoughts on the topic? Share them.

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SOS: Save Mankind

Never expect a thanks in this life... you know what I mean?

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A Digital Boy. In a Digital World.

You know the problem with the World Wide Web? It's poluted with absolute trash. Unbelievable and unremarkable originality. I'm not some grungy blogger- wannabee searching for existentialism through a haze of mist. It's easy to sit back and do nothing, but...

Maybe our past where our imagination ends our true nature lays waiting to be confronted on its own terms. Where laws are silent, rules disappear amidst the digital plains, we stay dumbfounded to think of what might rise from the darkness in the hostile digital world.

And to think, Al Gore, Mr. Gobal Warming, claimed to have invented the Internet...Yeah, and I invented the zipper.

Fact: 80% of German's would rather lose their current girlfriend or car than lose their Internet connection. Stay curious my friends.

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Racing towards 2012

The 2012 phenomenon is a range of beliefs and proposals that a cataclysmic event or New Age of Enlightment will occur in the year 2012.

The forecast, is based primarily on what is claimed to be the end-date of the Mayan Calendar, on December 21 or 23, 2012 (Shoot, no Christmas in the year 2012).

Some believe that the 2012 date marks the beginning of an Apocalypse... calendar word referring to the end of the world. Conversely, a New Age interpretation of this transition states that, during this time, the planet and its inhabitants (us) may undergo a positive physical or spiritual transformation and that 2012 may mark the beginning of a new era (sounds boring).

The question we should be asking ourselves today with 2012 approaching is why work? We only have 3 more years, mind as well enjoy it by swimming, sunning, endless sexapades, and living without a care in the world.

Start living La Vida Loco! Take out several large loans knowing full-well you're not intending to pay it back, travel the globe, run up large expenses, buy a Ferrari or two, and run with an entourage of women. Dine at swanky restaurants, leave hefty tips, and just go crazy.

When 2012 does arrive, you're dead broke, and nothing does happen. Blame the Mayan's. They f*cked up on the date. But, if the world truly did come to an end, I'd probably just sleep in or steal a television.

But at Americanomics, we are selling tickets to this fabulous gala of an event. Who's going to be there? Aerosmith and Pearl Jam. Who else? An old man fashioning a kayak out of a log...? What? No! But, anyone who's anyone will be attending so bring the whole family. Get your front row tickets today before time runs out. Contact us about ticket prices.

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Modern Art. I suffer for my Art.

What is Modern Art? Modern Art refers to artistic works produced during the period from the 1860s to the 1970s, and denotes the style and philosophy of the art; ways of seeing and incorporating new ideas about the nature of materials and its functions. Sounds pretty complicated with a hint of bullsh*t, but it basically boils down to this:


Modern Art is not only meaningless, it also robs you of $15 to view and question it. When I'm standing in front of some ink blotted Rorschach piece of abstract art, trying to decipher the underlying meaning of what looks like something anyone could come up with in a dark room. I feel like I'm being laughed at by someone whose sole purpose for creating the oil and canvas question mark was to see if they could make a fool out of you; and guess what? They fooled me.



Modern Art is generally absolute trash. It's terrible. Go see it on exhibit for yourself at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Guaranteed not to get you laid that night if you drag you're girlfriend or wife along.

What a starving Modern Artist must feel:

I am an artist. I am better than everyone because I am an artist. If people criticize me its because they don't understand me. If they don't understand me it's because I'm smarter than them. Because I'm smarter than them I am better than them. Because I am better than them I am an artist...

Hey, I could scribble that!

Modern Art. Love it or hate it?

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Fashion: Saves more people than Doctors.

It's been said that clothes speak the international language. And I have to admit, I'm a bit of a fashion whore. I've been known to wear about anything from latest trends and inward to my own inclinations, no matter how wild they may be. Mix the blatantly pop, and trendy, and then pray to God it matches.

Feel free to fluctuate from week to week between superstyled, buffed, and groomed to gritty and rough, trading in your pinstripe dress pants and cufflinks for tattered denim and leather.

Muster the unshakable confidence required to pull off any hair style, whether it be the up-and-coming executive to the troubled youth, and get to know your hair’s character range, from sleek to messy. As the mood strikes, follow trends of the pack or diverge wildly off the beaten fashion path, into the realm of punkrocker and preppy boy foppery.

Little known to men is the fact that a masculine guy who is comfortable enough with his sexuality to blur gender fashion lines can be a huge turn-on to women. Think about how sexy a woman in a sharply tailored power suit can be. The phenomenon works both ways. How about a little splash of pink?

What? No, no. I know what you are thinking. If you ooze masculinity, like some of us do, you have no reason to fear pink. Embrace it. It's smashing.

Familiarize yourself with fashion magazines like Details, GQ, or Men's Vogue for a feel on how to mix and match you're own wardrobe and/or how to enhance it.

Steal the styles, of A-list celebrities, right off their back from the likes of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, to David Beckham. With David Beckham every body wants to be in his boots and every man wants to be in his miss's. Beckham has made a habit of setting runway trends with unexpected clothing details such as a cummerbund worn in a casual setting or dressed-down sneakers with formal wear. Follow his example and play with clothing pieces out of context. The charm of David’s style lies in the element of surprise, and the best lesson to be learned from him is that bending and flowing with and against the tide keeps things interesting.

Check out our Top 10: Quick Fashion Tips for Men Article.

What unique style or fashion accessories make you feel like a Million Bucks? We'd love to hear them.

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Megan Fox. Foxy Lady.

Megan Fox becomes the new Armani Underwear Spokeswoman. That’s right! The outspoken actress is replacing Victoria Beckham as the 2010 Emporio Armani Underwear model. She’ll also be the face and body of Armani Jeans, but does anyone really care about that???

The world waits in anticipation. Megan Fox be thy name.

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Become an A-List Celebrity. Hire Fake Paparazzi.


Who's who of celebrities have them. Madonna hires them, Brad Pitt, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Hannah Montana, and even Bruno has an entourage of 15 of them. Why not you?!?

Why Hire Fake Paparazzi? A nobody entering a swanky night club in LA, SF, NY, or London, suddenly becomes Uber-Famous! Fake Paparazzi will bum rush you with blinding flash photography, call out your name, and ask you ridiculous questions. As a result, club management will have no choice but to push you through their doors assuming your a somebody and treat you like an A-List Celebrity. AWESOME.

All eyes and hands are now on YOU, but wait there's more!

Hiring Fake Paparazzi may cause you instant fame, VIP access, free drinks, but the best part the attention of hot women, and jealous player haters. Your instant fame might even reach the pages of TMZ, OMG!, or even PerezHilton. Results may vary. You may even leave the club with 3 models or fight a douche bag or two. Who knows? Give Fake Paparazzi a try. Hire 3, 7, or shoot how about all of them. Contact us today!

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Seriously, what's in a name?

William Shakespeare once wrote, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."

Today every tangible and/or intangible object has been given a name. Who truly decides that a particular person, place, or thing should be called something over another?

I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refridgerator, blender....all you do is say what the shiit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shiit fresh. Well that's a fresher....I'm going on break. -Mitch Hedberg

I'm going to name my kids ghetto names Little Mookie, big Al, or Lorraine or something stupid like Crayon, Pepsi, or Pop Rocks. But, naming your baby is a very important task and should not be taken lightly. The name you choose will be with your child for a lifetime. So, choose wisely.

The Most Popular Real Names:
For Boys
1. Michael
2. Matthew
3. Christopher
4. Jacob
5. Joshua

For girls
1. Ashley
2. Emily
3. Samantha
4. Hannah
5. Elizabeth

Apparently, some celebrities just don't get enough attention, so they name their kids something really dumb to stand out. Here are some of the weirdest:

1. Memphis Eve (Bono)
2. Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)
3. Coco (Courteney Cox and David Arquette)
4. Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
5. Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon)
6. Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)
7. Kal-El (Nicolas Cage)

George Costanza, from Seinfeld, on naming his first born child 'Seven.'
Jerry: "Seven Costanza... You're serious?"
George: "Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy or a girl. Especially a girl... Or a boy."
Jerry: "I don't think so."
George: "What, you don't like the name?"
Jerry: "It's not a name. It's a number. Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service."

What have you named you're kids?

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Will the real Chris Brown please stand up?

If you want to be lazy this Halloween, then you really need to be at least cleaver with your laziness. Introducing the perfect Halloween costume for the laziest of Halloween party goers. The Chris Brown, "Don't make me beat you, B'OTCH!" shirt.

This shirt has Chris Brown's face printed right on the inside. Just flip it over your head and BAM! You're Chris Brown. Watch out, Rihanna!

This quality gray design is printed on the front and inside of a black, 100% cotton t-shirt. Supplies are limited. Contact us today!

And coming soon: the "Don't make me rob you, B'OTCH!" robber shirt. For all you're bank robbery and hold-up needs.

HUNT CHRIS BROWN (Parody) By Affion Crockett.

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Paris Hilton on Americanomics


Paris Hilton. Whether we like it or not Paris and her wild lifestyle are here to stay as she is now considered one of the biggest stars. She's almost as Uber-Famous as Bruno! She is sought after by almost every fashion designer, news media, and magazine. But she's going to be on Americanomics. So, Excellent!

Americanomic's star correspondent, Bruno, will be asking her the tough questions. You've heard it first on Americanomics. Q&A with Paris Hilton.


Bruno: Vassup! Before we even start, let me just drunk you in. So, would you like to clear up any misconceptions people have about you?
Paris: I think the biggest misconception about me is that I'm this spoiled brat. But I'm not. I'm, like, the total opposite.

Bruno: So, Paris. Has the green sex video tarnished or helped your career?
Paris: Like, OMG, totally. Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous.
Bruno: When do you suppose the next green video be "AUS?" HAHAHA... serious thou.
Paris: Sorry, no comment.

Bruno: Oh really? Whereabouts in Paris didn't you like?
Paris: In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language

Bruno: What do you think about American's being killed overseas?
Paris: When good Americans die they go to Paris.

Bruno:Who are you wearing? Because your style is so hot and fresh.
Paris: Dolce and Gabbana, duh.
Bruno: That's hot.
Paris: Like totally.

Bruno: Paris, you live a life where nothing is beyond you. So, what should every woman have in her life?
Paris: Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

Bruno: Lindsay Lohan,, keep her in the ghetto or train to Auschwitz?
Paris: Like were BFF's. Best Friends Forever, but like, omg, she is as fake as press on nails. So definately train to Auschwitz.

Bruno: How do you deal with that awkward situation of somebody in a wheelchair coming and you want to push them away but you don't want to create a scene? How do you turn them away? Do you ignore them or wheel them away?
Paris: What was the question? Thinking is hard. Uh, wheel them away.

Bruno: A *sphincter* says what?
Paris: I'm supposed to say what... like I don't get it right? This interview is totally over!
Bruno: Don't go Paris! We love you. Oh! Come on! We only have 35 more questions to go.

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Is it ever enough?

When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, do we tend to worry about the wrong things? What attributes makes a man or women more desirable or does it all comeback to "beauty is in the eye of the beholder?"

Top 5 traits:
What Women want
1. Good hygiene
2. Confidence
3. Great smile
4. Great sense of humor
5. "Nunchaku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills." -Napolean Dynamite

Don't get me wrong. Sure you're current girlfriend is adorable. Cute? Absolutely. But is it ever enough? As men we all want showstoppers. And the problem is, for us boys, it's all about F.B.B. Face. Boobs. Bum.

What Men want
1. Someone in-shape/athletic
2. A woman whose ego isn't bigger than her hairstyle
3. Someone who will keep us on our toes
4. Laughs at our stupid jokes
5. Interdependence, so that you trust and need each other

Agree or disagree? Weigh in on the topic.

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Fishing for a Compliment?


They say the key to a woman's heart is an unexpected compliment at an unexpected time. And you should know by now they only come from me when least expected. So, why not make her feel good about herself, right?

As you likely know, most men like compliments that appeal to their egos. Most women, however, like compliments that appeal to their vanity... calendar word meaning "pride in one's appearance or accomplishments."

Top 10: (Compliments)
1. You look exceptionally nice today.
2. You are perfect just the way that you are.
3. I love your (fill in the blank).
4. I love you more.
5. You have a great smile.
6. You've got to open a restaurant. That's seriously delicious.
7. You look smashing in that dress.
8. Your bum looks really rather ravishing from this vantage point.
9. You should know by now that a full-figured girl like yourself - is every guy's secret fantasy.
10."You're unlike all those other snorks. Who only want one thing." -Family Guy

Good luck, guys.


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Wayne's TOP TEN. Scwiiiiiiiiing!


Wayne has his Top 10. Why can't I?

I'd always been told that the most beautiful women in the world... resided in California. And when it comes to shagging birds, it's all about one thing: location, location, location.

Just look around. I mean, every one of them, unique, special, like snowflakes. And with such a plethora... Calendar word meaning 'abundance,' of gorgeousness and diversity, well, how could a man ever choose to settle down with just one?
-Alfie

My top 10: (I give them all my highest ranking... A-)
1. Brianna Banks
2. Megan Fox. Be Thy Name.
3. Krystal Steal
4. Tory Lane
5. Britney Spears before Kevin Federline
6. Naomi Russell
7. Charlize Theron
8. Lacey Chabert
9. Alicia Keys
10. Serena Miller

Ring in. Who's in your top 10?

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I'm NOT a player. I just flirt a lot.


How to reel them in with flirting? Flirting is an important behavior that is both complex and fundamental. Everyone in the world, at some point in their lives will need to acquaint themselves with the art of flirtation if they want to experience the pleasures of the opposite (...or same) sex.

Women can sometimes be hard to read. You meet. She flirts. She touches your magic stick. NO! You're arm. You're totally going to score, right? Maybe not. A woman tends to flirt, while she's deciding whether or not she likes you. About 80% of the time men misinterpret these signals. But, nonetheless, her flirting isn't always a tease. It's an evolutionary-driven effort to find out as much information about you before she shares her true intentions.

With mountains of advice to successfully guide men and women on how to flirt effectively, where does one start to acquire this knowledge?

So, we've decided to lay down some distinct signs that she or he is flirting with you, so you can recognize the bait they have laid for your affections.

Top 10: (Signs she's flirting)
1. She smiles
2. She keeps walking by you
3. She draws attention to her face
4. She isolates herself
5. She mimics your body movements
6. She touches you
7. She holds eye contact with you
8. She approaches you to talk
9. She dresses to catch you attention
10. She plays with her hair

Note: Sometimes her intentions are obvious. But if you can't connect the dots and figure out if she's interested, be a man, cut through the coyness with a straightforward approach. "Yeah, you alright baby? You look alright still, yeah what's your name?" "Just get out my face, just leave me alone!"

Top 10: (Signs he's flirting)
1. Sticks his chest out
2. Constant checking you out
3. Nervousness
4. Show offs to grab your attention
5. Random grunts like a monkey to show male dominance
6. Teases and jokes with you
7. Winks at you from a distance
8. Smiles suggestively
9. Engages in direct eye contact
10. Casually touches you

In this day and age, it's hard to tell who's single and who's not, its like Where's Waldo.

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Kryptonite is to Superman :: Women are to our Wallets


I chased. She cashed. I withdrew. Then I finally, mustard up the courage to approach and ask her out on a date. She accidently said, "Yes." Now what?

Many people are so divided about who should pay for what when dating. Some of my friends and I have these rules of thumb:

1. First date (aka Free Meal for her) the man pays.
2. Second date (she should make an half-hearted attempt to pay).
3. Third date if you've made it that far begin splitting the bill.
4. Whoever asks pays either way.

Note: Some just do whatever feels natural when the check comes. Funny, how we don't consider what the total of the bill will be until after the bill finally does arrive in that fancy black book. Dine and dash anyone?

Top 10: (Dating Ideas)
1. Grab a drink (coffee, espresso, alcholic).
Cheap. Emphasize is on conversation in order to get to know one another, without breaking the bank on Date 1.

2. the Beach.
Perfect way to enjoy the sun, show off your new swimsuit, and the closest way to see her almost naked. And if all else fails, there is still enough eye candy to keep you busy.

3. Amusement Parks (like Great America or Six Flags).
Even if amusement parks are generally aimed at the younger crowd, who says that grown adults can't engage in some childish fun? Win her a big ol' teddy bear that you'll have to lug around, and have chucked in the trash when she gets home.

4. Fancy Resturant like In-N-Out (that will surely impress her).

5. Catch a Movie.
No longer considered a cheap date like when our parents were dating.

6. Go-Kart Racing.
Why not test her driving skills? F1 karting is an exciting and fairly cheap way to test her road abilities and take her for a ride. You can pretend that you're Dale Heart Jr (just don't crash into a wall)!

7. Attend a Sports Game (baseball, football, hockey, etc).

8. Stroll through an Art Museum.
Who doesn't like white paint on white canvas or paint by numbers?

9. Concert.
Loud music and screaming people might be an alternative.

9.5. Putt, Putt (aka Golfland or Boomers!).
If you can't tell the difference between a wedge and an iron, maybe miniature golf is the way to go. A cheap and fairly easy "sport," it allows for some physical contact when you have to give her a crash course on how to hold the putter. I tend to yell out "Go in the hole" each time I putt.

10. Billiards.
Object of this game is to get the balls in the hole. I like putting things in holes. You can raise the stakes by saying, "Whoever loses the game must cook supper for the other." And just like that, you've scored yourself a second date.

Bottom Line: Dating should be fun. A meaningful pursuit and be yourself. Although, these dating suggestions are simply a result of my own meandering experience in the dating field, there are many more possibilities that I haven't mentioned.

First dates. Love them or hate them? Ring in.

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One Thrust. Two Thrusts. Satisfaction!

SEX sells and is on everyone's mind, some more than others. We all want to perform to the best of our abilities, wear out our partners, and leave them breathless. But, women repeatedly complain like usual that MOST men cannot last long enough to satisfy their sexual needs.

Yet, some women at bars have told us that their old man hasn't shagged them in seven months because their work alcoholics. Seven months. I mean, thank God there are gentlemen like us around to pick up the slack.

So, what's a man suppose to do? Because quiet frankly we wouldn't want our reputations and egos being crushed by comments like this:

"Am I still a virgin after he just thrusted once and was done?"
-Anonymous Women.

Don't fret! Help is a stroke away. You'll no longer be a stranger in the ways of the women.

How to have Marathon Sex like the singer, Sting:
1. Skittles (AKA Viagra).
Chuck Norris wouldn't use them, so why would you?

2. Think of Anything.
This is a classic technique that works fairly well. Basically, during sex, you want to take your mind off the task at hand. Usually most guys focus on their sister, NO! Focus on any sport, and then focus on your breathing. There's no rush to the finish line, so take your time. Give it a try. At first you don't succeed try, try, again.

3. Oral Sex.
If venturing towards her South Seas, you can satisfy your woman using oral sex then believe me (stud) when I say they won't give a damn how long you last during penetration because you've already rocked their world.

4. Masturbation hasn't lost its fun.
Using masturbation to your advantage is the simplest way; not going in with the proverbial "loaded weapon," hence increasing the amount of time you'll last in the sack.

E! True Hollywood Story: If you're ever caught masturbating by you're parents this is what you say, "I was just cleaning it and it went off."

Have any suggestions? We'd love to hear them. Share the wealth!

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only GOD knows where we stuck it

Over the centuries various sexual positions have been conjured-up, attempted, and performed; some that are hypothetically impossible like the helicopter.

A urban myth? The helicopter is a very difficult (and awkward), but fulfilling sexual position. It is performed by the man, while fully erect, and inside the woman (... or whatever.), proceeds to turn his entire body in a circle. The tricky part is making sure your magic stick doesn't 'pop' out while you're doing this.... And to keep from laughing.



Top 10: (Sex Positions)
1-Missionary
2-Cowgirl (maximum pleasure with minimum exertion)
3-Spooning
4-the Backdoor (anal)
5-Standing & Carrying (granted you have super-human strength)
6-the bucking bronco
7-Italian chandelier
8-Playing of the cello
9-Leap Frog
10-the Jack Hammer

Remember: Practice safe sex. Be a man. Use condoms.




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Magazines. American's picture books.


Magazines. American's picture books. Walk into any Barns and Nizoben (Barns and Noble) bookstore and browse the many genres of magazines that line the racks from weddings, architecture, sports, cars, to entertainment.

A vast majority of magazines today are overfilled and stuffed with advertisements and lack of content. Flipping through some magazines becomes a task in itself, simply, because of the thick pages that contain the cologne ads.

Top 10: (Best Selling Magazines in the USA)
1-Vanity Fair
2-ESPN
3-Business Week
4-GQ
5-People
6-Sports Illustrated
7-Playboy
8-Time
9-Better Homes & Gardens
10-Maxim

Magazines are a big part of my life. I like going into bookstores just to flip through them, who doesn't? I like the magazines that are protected by that clear plastic wrap. You know which ones, the x-rated ones. That's a good invention. Before then it was hard times for the magazine owners, "What magazine are you going to look at?", "That one... and everyone on the back row!"

E! True Hollywood Story: My buddy and I enjoy browsing through socialite, and luxury magazines that portray a life that most of us only dream of. Browsing through a yacht magazine for the Rich and Famous, he was hesitant to purchase it, only, because the cashier may look at the magazine, than at him, and think dreamer. He never bought the magazine.

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About AMERICANOMICS

Americanomics has something for everyone - an interesting and unique perspective about anything and everything. No topic or subject is safe to our humor.

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