americanomics: October 2009

Modern Art. I suffer for my Art.

What is Modern Art? Modern Art refers to artistic works produced during the period from the 1860s to the 1970s, and denotes the style and philosophy of the art; ways of seeing and incorporating new ideas about the nature of materials and its functions. Sounds pretty complicated with a hint of bullsh*t, but it basically boils down to this:

Modern Art is not only meaningless, it also robs you of $15 to view and question it. When I'm standing in front of some ink blotted Rorschach piece of abstract art, trying to decipher the underlying meaning of what looks like something anyone could come up with in a dark room. I feel like I'm being laughed at by someone whose sole purpose for creating the oil and canvas question mark was to see if they could make a fool out of you; and guess what? They fooled me.

Modern Art is generally absolute trash. It's terrible. Go see it on exhibit for yourself at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Guaranteed not to get you laid that night if you drag you're girlfriend or wife along.

What a starving Modern Artist must feel:

I am an artist. I am better than everyone because I am an artist. If people criticize me its because they don't understand me. If they don't understand me it's because I'm smarter than them. Because I'm smarter than them I am better than them. Because I am better than them I am an artist...

Hey, I could scribble that!

Modern Art. Love it or hate it?

Fashion: Saves more people than Doctors.

It's been said that clothes speak the international language. And I have to admit, I'm a bit of a fashion whore. I've been known to wear about anything from latest trends and inward to my own inclinations, no matter how wild they may be. Mix the blatantly pop, and trendy, and then pray to God it matches.

Feel free to fluctuate from week to week between superstyled, buffed, and groomed to gritty and rough, trading in your pinstripe dress pants and cufflinks for tattered denim and leather.

Muster the unshakable confidence required to pull off any hair style, whether it be the up-and-coming executive to the troubled youth, and get to know your hair’s character range, from sleek to messy. As the mood strikes, follow trends of the pack or diverge wildly off the beaten fashion path, into the realm of punkrocker and preppy boy foppery.

Little known to men is the fact that a masculine guy who is comfortable enough with his sexuality to blur gender fashion lines can be a huge turn-on to women. Think about how sexy a woman in a sharply tailored power suit can be. The phenomenon works both ways. How about a little splash of pink?

What? No, no. I know what you are thinking. If you ooze masculinity, like some of us do, you have no reason to fear pink. Embrace it. It's smashing.

Familiarize yourself with fashion magazines like Details, GQ, or Men's Vogue for a feel on how to mix and match you're own wardrobe and/or how to enhance it.

Steal the styles, of A-list celebrities, right off their back from the likes of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, to David Beckham. With David Beckham every body wants to be in his boots and every man wants to be in his miss's. Beckham has made a habit of setting runway trends with unexpected clothing details such as a cummerbund worn in a casual setting or dressed-down sneakers with formal wear. Follow his example and play with clothing pieces out of context. The charm of David’s style lies in the element of surprise, and the best lesson to be learned from him is that bending and flowing with and against the tide keeps things interesting.

Check out our Top 10: Quick Fashion Tips for Men Article.

What unique style or fashion accessories make you feel like a Million Bucks? We'd love to hear them.

Megan Fox. Foxy Lady.

Megan Fox becomes the new Armani Underwear Spokeswoman. That’s right! The outspoken actress is replacing Victoria Beckham as the 2010 Emporio Armani Underwear model. She’ll also be the face and body of Armani Jeans, but does anyone really care about that???

The world waits in anticipation. Megan Fox be thy name.

Become an A-List Celebrity. Hire Fake Paparazzi.

Who's who of celebrities have them. Madonna hires them, Brad Pitt, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Hannah Montana, and even Bruno has an entourage of 15 of them. Why not you?!?

Why Hire Fake Paparazzi? A nobody entering a swanky night club in LA, SF, NY, or London, suddenly becomes Uber-Famous! Fake Paparazzi will bum rush you with blinding flash photography, call out your name, and ask you ridiculous questions. As a result, club management will have no choice but to push you through their doors assuming your a somebody and treat you like an A-List Celebrity. AWESOME.

All eyes and hands are now on YOU, but wait there's more!

Hiring Fake Paparazzi may cause you instant fame, VIP access, free drinks, but the best part the attention of hot women, and jealous player haters. Your instant fame might even reach the pages of TMZ, OMG!, or even PerezHilton. Results may vary. You may even leave the club with 3 models or fight a douche bag or two. Who knows? Give Fake Paparazzi a try. Hire 3, 7, or shoot how about all of them. Contact us today!

Seriously, what's in a name?

William Shakespeare once wrote, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."

Today every tangible and/or intangible object has been given a name. Who truly decides that a particular person, place, or thing should be called something over another?

I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refridgerator, blender....all you do is say what the shiit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shiit fresh. Well that's a fresher....I'm going on break. -Mitch Hedberg

I'm going to name my kids ghetto names Little Mookie, big Al, or Lorraine or something stupid like Crayon, Pepsi, or Pop Rocks. But, naming your baby is a very important task and should not be taken lightly. The name you choose will be with your child for a lifetime. So, choose wisely.

The Most Popular Real Names:
For Boys
1. Michael
2. Matthew
3. Christopher
4. Jacob
5. Joshua

For girls
1. Ashley
2. Emily
3. Samantha
4. Hannah
5. Elizabeth

Apparently, some celebrities just don't get enough attention, so they name their kids something really dumb to stand out. Here are some of the weirdest:

1. Memphis Eve (Bono)
2. Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)
3. Coco (Courteney Cox and David Arquette)
4. Kyd (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
5. Audio Science (Actress Shannyn Sossamon)
6. Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)
7. Kal-El (Nicolas Cage)

George Costanza, from Seinfeld, on naming his first born child 'Seven.'
Jerry: "Seven Costanza... You're serious?"
George: "Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy or a girl. Especially a girl... Or a boy."
Jerry: "I don't think so."
George: "What, you don't like the name?"
Jerry: "It's not a name. It's a number. Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. Seven. Seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service."

What have you named you're kids?

Will the real Chris Brown please stand up?

If you want to be lazy this Halloween, then you really need to be at least cleaver with your laziness. Introducing the perfect Halloween costume for the laziest of Halloween party goers. The Chris Brown, "Don't make me beat you, B'OTCH!" shirt.

This shirt has Chris Brown's face printed right on the inside. Just flip it over your head and BAM! You're Chris Brown. Watch out, Rihanna!

This quality gray design is printed on the front and inside of a black, 100% cotton t-shirt. Supplies are limited. Contact us today!

And coming soon: the "Don't make me rob you, B'OTCH!" robber shirt. For all you're bank robbery and hold-up needs.

HUNT CHRIS BROWN (Parody) By Affion Crockett.

Paris Hilton on Americanomics

Paris Hilton. Whether we like it or not Paris and her wild lifestyle are here to stay as she is now considered one of the biggest stars. She's almost as Uber-Famous as Bruno! She is sought after by almost every fashion designer, news media, and magazine. But she's going to be on Americanomics. So, Excellent!

Americanomic's star correspondent, Bruno, will be asking her the tough questions. You've heard it first on Americanomics. Q&A with Paris Hilton.

Bruno: Vassup! Before we even start, let me just drunk you in. So, would you like to clear up any misconceptions people have about you?
Paris: I think the biggest misconception about me is that I'm this spoiled brat. But I'm not. I'm, like, the total opposite.

Bruno: So, Paris. Has the green sex video tarnished or helped your career?
Paris: Like, OMG, totally. Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous.
Bruno: When do you suppose the next green video be "AUS?" HAHAHA... serious thou.
Paris: Sorry, no comment.

Bruno: Oh really? Whereabouts in Paris didn't you like?
Paris: In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language

Bruno: What do you think about American's being killed overseas?
Paris: When good Americans die they go to Paris.

Bruno:Who are you wearing? Because your style is so hot and fresh.
Paris: Dolce and Gabbana, duh.
Bruno: That's hot.
Paris: Like totally.

Bruno: Paris, you live a life where nothing is beyond you. So, what should every woman have in her life?
Paris: Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

Bruno: Lindsay Lohan,, keep her in the ghetto or train to Auschwitz?
Paris: Like were BFF's. Best Friends Forever, but like, omg, she is as fake as press on nails. So definately train to Auschwitz.

Bruno: How do you deal with that awkward situation of somebody in a wheelchair coming and you want to push them away but you don't want to create a scene? How do you turn them away? Do you ignore them or wheel them away?
Paris: What was the question? Thinking is hard. Uh, wheel them away.

Bruno: A *sphincter* says what?
Paris: I'm supposed to say what... like I don't get it right? This interview is totally over!
Bruno: Don't go Paris! We love you. Oh! Come on! We only have 35 more questions to go.

Is it ever enough?

When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, do we tend to worry about the wrong things? What attributes makes a man or women more desirable or does it all comeback to "beauty is in the eye of the beholder?"

Top 5 traits:
What Women want
1. Good hygiene
2. Confidence
3. Great smile
4. Great sense of humor
5. "Nunchaku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills." -Napolean Dynamite

Don't get me wrong. Sure you're current girlfriend is adorable. Cute? Absolutely. But is it ever enough? As men we all want showstoppers. And the problem is, for us boys, it's all about F.B.B. Face. Boobs. Bum.

What Men want
1. Someone in-shape/athletic
2. A woman whose ego isn't bigger than her hairstyle
3. Someone who will keep us on our toes
4. Laughs at our stupid jokes
5. Interdependence, so that you trust and need each other

Agree or disagree? Weigh in on the topic.

Fishing for a Compliment?

They say the key to a woman's heart is an unexpected compliment at an unexpected time. And you should know by now they only come from me when least expected. So, why not make her feel good about herself, right?

As you likely know, most men like compliments that appeal to their egos. Most women, however, like compliments that appeal to their vanity... calendar word meaning "pride in one's appearance or accomplishments."

Top 10: (Compliments)
1. You look exceptionally nice today.
2. You are perfect just the way that you are.
3. I love your (fill in the blank).
4. I love you more.
5. You have a great smile.
6. You've got to open a restaurant. That's seriously delicious.
7. You look smashing in that dress.
8. Your bum looks really rather ravishing from this vantage point.
9. You should know by now that a full-figured girl like yourself - is every guy's secret fantasy.
10."You're unlike all those other snorks. Who only want one thing." -Family Guy

Good luck, guys.

Wayne's TOP TEN. Scwiiiiiiiiing!

Wayne has his Top 10. Why can't I?

I'd always been told that the most beautiful women in the world... resided in California. And when it comes to shagging birds, it's all about one thing: location, location, location.

Just look around. I mean, every one of them, unique, special, like snowflakes. And with such a plethora... Calendar word meaning 'abundance,' of gorgeousness and diversity, well, how could a man ever choose to settle down with just one?
-Alfie

My top 10: (I give them all my highest ranking... A-)
1. Brianna Banks
2. Megan Fox. Be Thy Name.
3. Krystal Steal
4. Tory Lane
5. Britney Spears before Kevin Federline
6. Naomi Russell
7. Charlize Theron
8. Lacey Chabert
9. Alicia Keys
10. Serena Miller

Ring in. Who's in your top 10?

I'm NOT a player. I just flirt a lot.

How to reel them in with flirting? Flirting is an important behavior that is both complex and fundamental. Everyone in the world, at some point in their lives will need to acquaint themselves with the art of flirtation if they want to experience the pleasures of the opposite (...or same) sex.

Women can sometimes be hard to read. You meet. She flirts. She touches your magic stick. NO! You're arm. You're totally going to score, right? Maybe not. A woman tends to flirt, while she's deciding whether or not she likes you. About 80% of the time men misinterpret these signals. But, nonetheless, her flirting isn't always a tease. It's an evolutionary-driven effort to find out as much information about you before she shares her true intentions.

With mountains of advice to successfully guide men and women on how to flirt effectively, where does one start to acquire this knowledge?

So, we've decided to lay down some distinct signs that she or he is flirting with you, so you can recognize the bait they have laid for your affections.

Top 10: (Signs she's flirting)
1. She smiles
2. She keeps walking by you
3. She draws attention to her face
4. She isolates herself
5. She mimics your body movements
6. She touches you
7. She holds eye contact with you
8. She approaches you to talk
9. She dresses to catch you attention
10. She plays with her hair

Note: Sometimes her intentions are obvious. But if you can't connect the dots and figure out if she's interested, be a man, cut through the coyness with a straightforward approach. "Yeah, you alright baby? You look alright still, yeah what's your name?" "Just get out my face, just leave me alone!"

Top 10: (Signs he's flirting)
1. Sticks his chest out
2. Constant checking you out
3. Nervousness
4. Show offs to grab your attention
5. Random grunts like a monkey to show male dominance
6. Teases and jokes with you
7. Winks at you from a distance
8. Smiles suggestively
9. Engages in direct eye contact
10. Casually touches you

In this day and age, it's hard to tell who's single and who's not, its like Where's Waldo.

Kryptonite is to Superman :: Women are to our Wallets

I chased. She cashed. I withdrew. Then I finally, mustard up the courage to approach and ask her out on a date. She accidently said, "Yes." Now what?

Many people are so divided about who should pay for what when dating. Some of my friends and I have these rules of thumb:

1. First date (aka Free Meal for her) the man pays.
2. Second date (she should make an half-hearted attempt to pay).
3. Third date if you've made it that far begin splitting the bill.
4. Whoever asks pays either way.

Note: Some just do whatever feels natural when the check comes. Funny, how we don't consider what the total of the bill will be until after the bill finally does arrive in that fancy black book. Dine and dash anyone?

Top 10: (Dating Ideas)
1. Grab a drink (coffee, espresso, alcholic).
Cheap. Emphasize is on conversation in order to get to know one another, without breaking the bank on Date 1.

2. the Beach.
Perfect way to enjoy the sun, show off your new swimsuit, and the closest way to see her almost naked. And if all else fails, there is still enough eye candy to keep you busy.

3. Amusement Parks (like Great America or Six Flags).
Even if amusement parks are generally aimed at the younger crowd, who says that grown adults can't engage in some childish fun? Win her a big ol' teddy bear that you'll have to lug around, and have chucked in the trash when she gets home.

4. Fancy Resturant like In-N-Out (that will surely impress her).

5. Catch a Movie.
No longer considered a cheap date like when our parents were dating.

6. Go-Kart Racing.
Why not test her driving skills? F1 karting is an exciting and fairly cheap way to test her road abilities and take her for a ride. You can pretend that you're Dale Heart Jr (just don't crash into a wall)!

7. Attend a Sports Game (baseball, football, hockey, etc).

8. Stroll through an Art Museum.
Who doesn't like white paint on white canvas or paint by numbers?

9. Concert.
Loud music and screaming people might be an alternative.

9.5. Putt, Putt (aka Golfland or Boomers!).
If you can't tell the difference between a wedge and an iron, maybe miniature golf is the way to go. A cheap and fairly easy "sport," it allows for some physical contact when you have to give her a crash course on how to hold the putter. I tend to yell out "Go in the hole" each time I putt.

10. Billiards.
Object of this game is to get the balls in the hole. I like putting things in holes. You can raise the stakes by saying, "Whoever loses the game must cook supper for the other." And just like that, you've scored yourself a second date.

Bottom Line: Dating should be fun. A meaningful pursuit and be yourself. Although, these dating suggestions are simply a result of my own meandering experience in the dating field, there are many more possibilities that I haven't mentioned.

First dates. Love them or hate them? Ring in.

One Thrust. Two Thrusts. Satisfaction!

SEX sells and is on everyone's mind, some more than others. We all want to perform to the best of our abilities, wear out our partners, and leave them breathless. But, women repeatedly complain like usual that MOST men cannot last long enough to satisfy their sexual needs.

Yet, some women at bars have told us that their old man hasn't shagged them in seven months because their work alcoholics. Seven months. I mean, thank God there are gentlemen like us around to pick up the slack.

So, what's a man suppose to do? Because quiet frankly we wouldn't want our reputations and egos being crushed by comments like this:

"Am I still a virgin after he just thrusted once and was done?"
-Anonymous Women.

Don't fret! Help is a stroke away. You'll no longer be a stranger in the ways of the women.

How to have Marathon Sex like the singer, Sting:
1. Skittles (AKA Viagra).
Chuck Norris wouldn't use them, so why would you?

2. Think of Anything.
This is a classic technique that works fairly well. Basically, during sex, you want to take your mind off the task at hand. Usually most guys focus on their sister, NO! Focus on any sport, and then focus on your breathing. There's no rush to the finish line, so take your time. Give it a try. At first you don't succeed try, try, again.

3. Oral Sex.
If venturing towards her South Seas, you can satisfy your woman using oral sex then believe me (stud) when I say they won't give a damn how long you last during penetration because you've already rocked their world.

4. Masturbation hasn't lost its fun.
Using masturbation to your advantage is the simplest way; not going in with the proverbial "loaded weapon," hence increasing the amount of time you'll last in the sack.

E! True Hollywood Story: If you're ever caught masturbating by you're parents this is what you say, "I was just cleaning it and it went off."

Have any suggestions? We'd love to hear them. Share the wealth!

only GOD knows where we stuck it

Over the centuries various sexual positions have been conjured-up, attempted, and performed; some that are hypothetically impossible like the helicopter.

A urban myth? The helicopter is a very difficult (and awkward), but fulfilling sexual position. It is performed by the man, while fully erect, and inside the woman (... or whatever.), proceeds to turn his entire body in a circle. The tricky part is making sure your magic stick doesn't 'pop' out while you're doing this.... And to keep from laughing.

Top 10: (Sex Positions)
1-Missionary
2-Cowgirl (maximum pleasure with minimum exertion)
3-Spooning
4-the Backdoor (anal)
5-Standing & Carrying (granted you have super-human strength)
6-the bucking bronco
7-Italian chandelier
8-Playing of the cello
9-Leap Frog
10-the Jack Hammer

Remember: Practice safe sex. Be a man. Use condoms.

Magazines. American's picture books.

Magazines. American's picture books. Walk into any Barns and Nizoben (Barns and Noble) bookstore and browse the many genres of magazines that line the racks from weddings, architecture, sports, cars, to entertainment.

A vast majority of magazines today are overfilled and stuffed with advertisements and lack of content. Flipping through some magazines becomes a task in itself, simply, because of the thick pages that contain the cologne ads.

Top 10: (Best Selling Magazines in the USA)
1-Vanity Fair
2-ESPN
3-Business Week
4-GQ
5-People
6-Sports Illustrated
7-Playboy
8-Time
9-Better Homes & Gardens
10-Maxim

Magazines are a big part of my life. I like going into bookstores just to flip through them, who doesn't? I like the magazines that are protected by that clear plastic wrap. You know which ones, the x-rated ones. That's a good invention. Before then it was hard times for the magazine owners, "What magazine are you going to look at?", "That one... and everyone on the back row!"

E! True Hollywood Story: My buddy and I enjoy browsing through socialite, and luxury magazines that portray a life that most of us only dream of. Browsing through a yacht magazine for the Rich and Famous, he was hesitant to purchase it, only, because the cashier may look at the magazine, than at him, and think dreamer. He never bought the magazine.

Daleks, now in speaker form!

Altec Lansing, produces sophisticated, electronics for the most advanced PCs, TVs, iPods, portable audio devices, smartphones, and entertainment centers - enhancing all these digital systems with sound quality that everyone can enjoy.

Their latest speaker system the 'Expressionist BASS' resembles a Dalek. What is a Dalek? The Daleks are a fictional race of extraterrestrial mutants from the British science fiction television series Doctor Who.

Product: the Expressionist Bass
Features: twin desktop speakers with subwoofers built right in. That’s right, the bass is in the base of each speaker. An auxiliary input allows convenient connection of any MP3 player and brings music to life.
Price: $129.95

How I'm using them: To annoy uptight squares like my roommates (parents) because parents don't like music being played at inappropriate levels. So these speakers do pack a punch.

Won't you be my neighbor?

This question is this. Are we alone in this vast universe? If so, doesn’t that just feel like a lot of wasted space?

For centuries scientists and UFO enthusiasts have been scanning the night skies for intelligent life. You can participate by running a free program that downloads and analyzes radio telescope data. The program is called SETI a scientific experiment that uses Internet-connected computers in the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence.

But, perhaps we are indeed not alone. In Roswell, New Mexico, USA, on or about July 8, 1947 the US military allegedly recovered the debris of a crashed extra-terrestrial (alien) space craft, and its crew. The United States military maintains that what was actually recovered was debris from an experimental high-altitude surveillance balloon belonging to a classified program named "Mogul", however many UFO proponents maintain that in fact a crashed alien craft and bodies were recovered, and that the military then engaged in a cover-up.

As Fox Mulder, from the X-files, would say it "the truth is out there," whether or not we are ready to believe or want to know the extent of truth that’s a different question. Personally, I wouldn't be chasing little green men and/or if I ever saw one I'd be scared shitless like the time I saw my parents getting their freak on.

If aliens do exist and they are not simply apart of our imagination, their arrive would cause mass hysteria. But perhaps, Hollywood and whistleblowers have stumbled upon the answer and have been trying to warning us ever since? Prepping us to be scared for their arrival like in new film called "the Fourth Kind."

List of films featuring extraterrestrials (click here).

Freedom. What's the cost?

"Freedom isn't the choice the world encourages. You have to wear a suit of armor to defend it." -Leonard Schiller, Starting Out in the Evening.

BANKSY. The Graffiti Menace finally caught RED handed?

About Banksy: A British street artist with an international reputation. He made a name for himself with provocative images stencilled around the streets of London.

Banksy has kept his identity a closely guarded secret like Batman and Superman, until perhaps now. The Mail UK has printed an article called "Banksy uncovered: The nice middle-class boy who became the graffiti guerrilla," that supposedly reveals Banksy’s true identity. If correct, this article will surely put a major dent to Banksy’s public guerilla graffiti.

About his technique, Banksy said:

I use whatever it takes. Sometimes that just means drawing a moustache on a girl's face on some billboard, sometimes that means sweating for days over an intricate drawing. Efficiency is the key.

Banksy's Artwork: (Click to Enlarge the photo)

Share you're thoughts on Banksy's artwork or for more visit Banksy's Website.

Put your STUNNA SHADES on!

About Cazal 902's: The Cazal 902 were originally released in 1982 and quickly became Cazal’s top seller until it was eventually discontinued fourteen years later in 1996.

Its rebirth came at a chance meeting, in Paris, between the Dita Eyewear team and Mr. Cari Zalloni, designer and creator of Cazal. The resulting discussion would bring about the relaunch of the Cazal 902. Creating only 1500 pairs (500 of the black and gold styles are available, while the red and yellow are limited to 250 pairs) across the globe, hence making them exclusive and pricy.

Brand: Cazal x Dita 902
Style: Aviators
Retail: $750

I've got style. I've got taste. And I scored a pair of Cazal 902's off of Dita. I bought them not because I liked them, but because I really, really, liked them. But, this wouldn't be the last pair I purchase.

E! True Hollywood Stories:
Leaving for work. My roommates (parents) stop me and say the following.
Mom: Oh, those are nice. When did you get them? (Dad rings in before I could answer).
Dad: How much did those cost?
Me: Don't worry pops! I'm a RocknRolla.

Wheel of Fortune. Get your spin on!

About: Wheel of Fortune, made its debut in 1975, its an American television game show where three contestants compete against each other to solve word puzzles for cash and prizes.

Prizes should include places you wouldn't want to visit like Iraq, North Korea, Zimbabwe, middle states like Nebraska or Missouri, or any other axis of evil. "Jenny, you just won a fabulous trip to Somalia!"

Wish I had Vanna White's job, she's been flipping letters, clapping, and strutting her stuff since the show first aired along with Pat Sajak. But, I probably couldn't land her job because like all jobs you need experience. "Oh, I see on you're resume you haven't yet acquired flipping letters skills." But, I've got a killer clap, and I'm really, really, ridiculously good looking. Does that count?

How'd I fair: Eh, probably just start calling out numbers instead of letters or try spinning the wheel the other way.

South Park. "Wheel of Fortune" subject is "People Who Annoy You."

How to change your luck - 10 Ways

Top 10:
1.Pay attention to your surrounding; you won't spot good luck unless you look for it.
2-Stay relaxed, even in pressure situations; it'll help you be more aware.
3-Vary your routine every day.
4-Be aggressive about making the changes you want. Still thinking about moving cross-country? Just go already.
5-Follow your hunches and gut feelings; many seemingly random occurrences are actually the rest of good subconscious decisions.
6-Treat nagging doubts as alarm bells.
7-Expect good fortune.
8-Believe in lucky charms. A "lucky horseshoe necklace" doesn't have special powers, but the confidence it gives you is very powerful.
9-Smile. People will smile back, and suddenly you're off to a great start.
10-Outlast bad luck; things happen for a reason and sometimes its hard for us to see it.

Top 10 - Quick Fashion tips

Since everyone loves top lists, Americanomics thought we’d give you guys something you probably don’t see too often, a quick list of some practical fashion tips.

Top 10 - Quick Fashion tips

1. Fit is King
The most dramatic improvement you can make in your style is to make sure everything fits. Most guys wear clothes that are too large. Make sure everything you wear is almost hugging the curves of your body - without being tight.

2. Keep it simple
You want a wardrobe that looks great on you but you don’t want to overdo it. For example, don’t wear more than three colors unless performing for the circus.

3. Show off some Flair
A key to fashion is layering your outfits and making sure your color schemes match. For example, brown belt with brown kicks... and vise versa.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
-Mitch Hedberg

4. Never go shopping alone
With great fashion sense comes hot bitches

5. Dress to impress
It’s always better to be a little bit overdressed than underdressed.

6. Never underestimate the power of details
Comb your hair, but don’t waste too much time on it, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Don't use too much product.

7. Invest in a good pair of kicks
Shows you’re a man of great taste and power by getting a nice pair of shoes and keeping them in tip-top condition.

8. Disregard trends
You shouldn’t wear something just because it’s “in” fashion right now. This one tip has saved me so much money.

9. Don’t be a *sucker* for brand names
Its just an overpriced item with a fancy logo that will fade in time.

10. Experiment with style
Many guys are afraid to express themselves through their style, don’t be one of them. Its the only way you’ll really learn, and if you make mistakes, life goes on.

Time passes in Moments

"Time passes in moments. Moments which rushing pass define a path of life just as surely as it leads towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path to see the reasons of why all things happen? To consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or one that in which we simply drift with eyes closed, but what if we could stop and pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes. Might we then see the endless forks in the road that shaped a life and seeing those choices choose another path?" -the X-Files

Glow-in-the-Dark Condoms the NEW lightsaber

The FORCE is strong with this one!-Star Wars

ABOUT: Glow-in-the-dark condoms are the first of its kind created by Night Light and approved by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) for the prevention of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

I wonder if Glow-in-the-dark condoms give off that distinctive humming sound like the real lightsaber, when it rises in pitch and volume as the blade is moved rapidly through the air.

And since no RED Glow-in-the-dark condoms are being produced, we can't get that loud crackle sound when two lightsaber blades make contact.

SAVE AFRICA

Africa ain't just a country that brought us Bob Marley, scams, blood diamonds, slaves, and AIDS. With your help we could stop AIDS. Help fight the future and dontate to the AIDS fund. A fund for AIDS.

About AIDS: is a disease of the human immune system caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). AIDS is now a worldwide pandemic. In 2007, it was estimated that 33.2 million people lived with the disease worldwide, and that AIDS killed an estimated 2.1 million people, including 330,000 children.

Jeopardy! "I'll take Animal Sounds for 400."

About: Jeopardy! is an American quiz show where 3 lucky contestants test their knowledge on trivia topics varying from history, literature, the arts, pop culture, to science.

The show hosted by Alex Trebek is still popular today with tv audiences that even SNL has done paradies on Jeopardy with constants like Sean Connery, Burt Reynolds, and others.

How'd I Fair:I'd probably just buzz in on every question, be in the red, and say "Timmy!" (South Park) or just spell "Kebert Xela" on the final Jeopardy! Round like Jared.

Survivor - Gotta get me out of here, sucka!

About: Survivor is a reality television game show on CBS going on its 20th season. Exotic locations. Bad tribe names. Backstabbing. Lying. Deceit. Alliances. Fake immunity idols. What more could you ask for in a reality show?

If I was chosen to be a contestant I'd bring along bug spray, a tent, and condoms (so it doesn't get wet in the rain).

If I were headed to Tribal Council knowing I'd be voted off. I'd try to convince a majority of the tribe to jot down the name of the host instead onto the parchment paper. Boy, no one would see that coming. "No, Jeff." The tribe has spoken you've been voted off!

How'd I fair: I'd probably be blind sided for being a treat and leave the show half way. Then burn down the Tribal Council hunt for being voted off. How about you?

Side Note: Third world countries must hate us. The contestants get paid to live like them.

To Swallow or Not to Swallow that is the Question.

Why do it? What's the rule of thumb? In Sex & the City, episode 39, "Easy Come, Easy Go" Samantha is confronted with that exact question.

Samantha's latest sexy professional, Adam, is great except for the "funky tasting spunk." When she refuses to go down there on a future date, Adam gets annoyed, and Samantha is forced to spell it out for him. Adam thinks she's just making excuses, so Samantha challenges him to taste it for himself. -Sex & the City

Top 10 Reasons Given (pro/con)
1-Doesn’t want semen in her mouth
2-Fear of gagging
3-Feeling inadequate or physically unprepared
4-Laziness
5-My Mom Said I Could
6-Previous trauma
7-Funky Spunk
8-Fear of being judged
9-Peer Pressure
10-You tell us (Comment)

Career Opportunities

Thank you for your interest in career opportunities with Americanomics. We take great care in how we attract and hire the very best talent - because at Americanomics, people are our most important asset.

At Americanomics, we know and understand that every employee has something important to contribute, and that every employee is integral to our overall success. You will find challenging projects, creativity, smart people, and no boring meetings.

Benefits:
1. Americanomics 401(k) Plan
2. Dental, Vision, and Medical Insurance
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4. Vacation (1 Month)
5. Competitive salary, bonus
6. Equity packages
7. Other rewards and perks

Become apart of Americanomics as we try to takeover the world.

We wish you the best in your search and thank you for allowing us the opportunity to review your qualifications.

Americanomics is an Equal Opportunity Employer. It is our policy to make all personnel decisions without discriminating on the basis of race, color, creed, religion, sex, physical disability, mental disability, age, marital status, sexual orientation, citizenship status, national or ethnic origin, and any other protected status.

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